Winding Down

Well, here we are at Dec 28th. PGN seems to be open this week. I have seen a few cases signed out for other people but unfortunately I haven't received "the call" yet. Tomorrow will be the last day to get out of PGN this year. I am not optimistic but I know it is getting close.

I am having such a hard time sleeping lately. I was up until 3am today and then when I laid down my mind just started going a million miles a minute. Mostly about Evvy and the adoption process but work did squeeze in a little bit last night too. I have been off for almost 3 weeks and I will be going back next Tuesday (next year!). Not really dreading it, just know there will be a lot to do. I'm not looking forward to the "do you know anything yet?" questions starting again. That has been a nice part of the vacation is that I haven't had to hear that question at all. I have pretty much kept to myself or with Peggy's family or with my other friends that are in the process or have just recently completed their adoptions. They all know better than to ask the question.

Part of the reason I was up late last night was that I wanted to upload some pictures. To see them, click on the "My Pictures" link in the sidebar. I created a Misc Pictures album that has pictures of our big snow storm, my baby shower, making gingerbread houses, Parker's (Peggy's son) Christmas Posada school play and Christmas morning.

Evvy's foster family emailed me last week that their computer was functional again and sent one picture (taken in October). It is really sweet but I am really craving a new picture. I requested one in her Christmas outfit but haven't heard from them since last week. I hope computer didn't crash again.

A frien of mine who just brought her daughter home last week, received free tickets to a dinner theater yesterday. She invited me and we had a really nice time. The play was very entertaining and the food was fabulous!

I am also working on painting my kitchen. I just have one corner (behind the stove) left to complete. I guess I better stop avoiding and get back to it. Need to finish washing wall and get the primer on it. I am hosting quilt night tonight so it woujld be nice if the kitchen were put back in the kitchen prior to that. My dining room table is pretty full right now. I also want to clean out and rearrange the cupboards to make room for baby stuff!

I will check back in before the end of the year if I get "the call." Otherwise I will probably start the new year off with a post.

Susan

Merry Christmas!

I can't believe it is Christmas already. This has been a very calm season for me. Having the last 2 weeks off of work has been nice and relaxing. I have got a lot of things accomplished.

In preparation for Christmas I baked some cookies and made 4 different types of candy. I always enjoy making it so that I can give it away. On Thursday, I went to Peggy's house and made gingerbread houses with her 3 kids. We have simplified the last couple of years and used graham crackers instead of baking the real ginerbread house pieces. The kids sure do enjoy making the houses. Couldn't have anything to do with all the candy! I can't wait until Evvy is big enough to make her first gingerbread house.

This is only my second Christmas in my life that I haven't spent it with family. I really had hoped to have Evvy home this year so I hadn't made any plans. I am remarkably upbeat though and hoping she will be home for Valentine's day or my birthday a week later.

Good news, this week I received an email from Evvy's foster family. There computer has been broken since I went down to visit so I haven't had any contact with them. I had really come to count on the email updates and occasional pictures that they would send me.

Here is the picture they sent me this week. It was taken back in October but it is still very sweet.

I sent down a little Christmas outfit and I asked the family to take a picture of her on Christmas to send to me. I hope they send it to me on Christmas. That would be the best Christmas present ever.

Evelyn has started eating fruits now according to the foster family. She continues to be healthy and happy.

Hopefully will have an update soon with a Christmas picture!

Susan

Passing the Time

So I am now starting week 2 of 3 of my "forced" vacation. I stayed pretty busy last week with projects around the house; doctor and dentist appointments; hemmed curtains in Evvy's room; cleaned out back porch for donations to DAV; raked up some leaves; made a lot of phone calls.

This week I have been baking and making candies for Christmas gifts to friends and neighbors. It has been fun and I hopefully will give it all away so I don't snack on it.

I also started handquilting a pinwheel quilt that I made the top for a couple of months ago from scraps. It is a simple but pretty quilt. The quilting is very simple also. I am just quilting a quarter inch inside each triangle. It is really just a project to keep my hands busy. My girl is going to learn to love quilting! My friend Peggy and I can't wait to teach our girls how to quilt. Erica will have a couple of years headstart on Evvy but that is OK. Erica is so cute. Peggy has been hand quilting a beautiful quilt for Evvy and when Peggy sits down to work on it now, Erica says, "Mom, you quilting?" "Mom, you done quilting?" I think Erica is ready for Evvy's quilt to be done as much as Peggy is. She finished all of the blocks this past week and now just has the border to finish. It is a truly beautiful quilt. Peggy has such tiny stitches. I think she measured last week and she quilts 10-11 stitches per inch. I on the other hand stitch about 6 stitches per inch. She wonders why it takes her so long to quilt! Click over to Peggy's blog (see sidebar for link) to see a picture of the quilt. I don't think she has a recent one with all the squares done yet.

I can't believe that Christmas is just a week away. This will be only my second Christmas that I haven't spent with at least a part of my family. The other Christmas was when I was in training preparing to serve my mission to Guatemala. My life has just been totally put on hold waiting for Evvy to come home. I haven't made any plans. I am also just trying to save all of my money to pay for the adoption and to pay for living during my time off when she comes home. I am surprisingly not too down about Christmas. I feel bad that mom & dad won't have any of us kids with them this year. Last year Allan's family and I were out there for the holidays. They just have one month left of their mission service in Salt Lake. They will be back in Texas the end of January. Hopefully, we will be taking a trip to Guatemala shortly after they get home. We can then all celebrate our birthdays in Guatemala. Mom's is the 4th; dad's the 16th and mine is the 21st. I can't think of a better birthday present for any of us!

I am feeling a little more upbeat now that I have received an update out of PGN. Not the best of news but at least it was easily remedied and they haven't found anything else wrong with the paperwork. And I would think after 13 weeks they should have found any and all problems with the paperwork!

7 more days to Christmas! I am going to try to call and talk to Evvy's foster family on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day.

Susan

I asked for news and got it

I emailed my social worker on Monday and requested information about my case. The file has been in PGN since Sept 12 and we haven't received any good, bad or indifferent news since then. It has now been almost 14 weeks which seems like an eternity.

Well today, I finally got an email back from my social worker stating that PGN has requested a copy of Evelyn's DNA report. This should have already been included in the file but apparently either it wasn't or it got lost in the last 14 weeks of the file being shuffled around PGN. Good news is that my SW faxed a copy so hopefully we can get back in PGN quickly and hopefully out for good.

It seems that this week there have been a lot of cases released that went in during September so maybe they are making a concerted effort to clear out some of the older files before the end of the year. Maybe they need to make their numbers look good or something.

Anyway, I asked for an update and I got it. I am relieved to at least know that my file isn't lost and it has been looked at.

Hopefully good news to follow soon.

Susan

Tired of waiting

Really down today about the wait. I can't believe it has been 3 months since our case went into PGN and we have heard nothing. Going to call the agency on Monday and push for some answers. I just can't believe that the lawyer can't tell them any information. I keep seeing other cases that went in over a month after our case did and they are already out. I know that cases don't go in order but for having a very "generic" no problems case, I am very frustrated. I just want to find out something before the end of the year.

Sorry for the downer post.

Waiting

The waiting is really getting to me. I get asked the question, "have you heard anything?" or "when does she come home?" at least 20 times a day. I know people mean well and it is after all what my life is revolving around right now so it just tells me that people are interested and concerned with what is going on in my life. I don't get mad about the question, just frustrated that I can't answer it and don't know when I will be able to answer it. Most people don't understand the whole international adoption process (although they are getting a lot of education from me).

The wait is so much harder now that I have met little Evvy. I have 5 pictures of her lined up on my entertainment center so that I can look up from the computer or TV or just walking through and see her sweet face. She is so real to me now. I was so lucky to have Peggy get about 40 minutes of video of us when we visited. I was able to put the video on DVD so now I can watch it whenever I want. I might need to make a couple of backups in case I wear out the first one. Mom, if you are reading this, you and dad will get a copy and if it arrives before Christmas, I give you permission to watch it!

She is such a sweet baby. Her little coos are so sweet. It is like she really wants to talk. I think she is maybe a little behind developmentally as far as rolling over and supporting weight on her legs but from what I have read, this is somewhat common since the babies don't always get as much tummy time as they need. But what do I know? I don't have any personal experience to go off of. I just have read some posts on the forum that I frequent (way too much!) about some babies that have come home at 8 months old and can't roll over yet. On the bright side, they catch up very quickly when they get the tummy time and are put in the right situations.

I have started to make a list of all the things that I am going to work on during my 3 weeks forced vacation. Since I thought I might have brought Evelyn home by now, I had saved all of my vacation. I had hoped that my employer would grant an appeal to let me carry over my vacation time to next year for when she comes home. However, they decided that they would not let me do that. So now during one of the busiest periods of the year, they are going to force me to take 3 weeks off. I will be off from Dec 12 and return to work on Jan 2 after the holidays. As I said, my list is getting pretty long. I am hopefully going to get lots of things done around the house that I have put off too long (painting the kitchen that I stripped the wallpaper from 2 years ago). I will also be getting the car seat installed; going to the dentist; going to the eye doctor; hair cut; looking into pediatrician so that I can get her in as soon as she comes home for a full checkup.

I really hope I hear something soon. My social worker is out of the office the rest of the week but assured me that if anything is heard on my case, someone from the agency would call me. PLEASE!!!! PRETTY PLEASE!!!!SENOR BARRIOS, PLEASE LET US OUT OF PGN BEFORE CHRISTMAS!!!

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS TO BE OUT OF PGN!!! Evvy turns 6 months old tomorrow.

Susan

Name Spelling Dillema

I am still debating around Evelyn's name. Well, I am set on the name, just not the spelling and nicknames and their spelling.

Originally, I had planned on the traditional spelling of Evelyn May after my grandmother and mother. I had decided that I was going to call her E v v y. However, not sure about the spelling since Evvy looks kind of funny when typed out.

Anyway, after communicating with Evelyn's foster family and meeting Evelyn, I am torn.

The Spanish versions of her name are Evelin; nickname Evi; affectionate Evita.

When I was in Guatemala, it seemed natural to call her Evita because I was speaking to her in Spanish a lot. However, when I am at home and refer to her, I always call her E v v y. I was given a beautiful beaded bracelet at my baby shower with E v v y on it. I love the bracelet. I love both nicknames. I worry that if I call her Evita, that as she grows up people will make fun of her or sing "Don't cry for me Argentina" to her all the time.

When I was in Guatemala, I bought some Guatemalan painted letters to spell out her name and bought the letters E V E L Y N. When I go back to bring her home, I can of course buy other letters. At this point I will probably just buy all the additional letters to spell out any variation of her name. So it looks like I will need an two I's, a T, an A, and another V. I guess that isn't too bad. Just another $10 or less.

I just can't make up my mind on how to spell her name. I sort of want to keep some of her hispanic heritage in her name but I don't want it to be difficult for people to spell.

Any thoughts? Maybe I will just put them all in a hat and pull one out.

Susan

Meeting Evelyn May

I am very late in getting this post out and I apologize. I have sat down to do it many times. I think I have been avoiding it emotionally. Somehow thinking that if I write it all down that I will lose it out of my inner being. I want to hold these wonderful memories close to my heart to help me make it through the next who knows how long until I can bring my beautiful daughter home.

This trip has forever changed my heart. Evelyn's foster mother, her daughter and mother all came to drop Evelyn off at the hotel to spend the weekend with me. We saw them coming to the hotel doors and Peggy starting shooting video. They walked into the lobby and I walked towards them with tears in my eyes. They had her wrapped in the soft blanket that I had sent down in her first care package right after she was referred to me. She had been sleeping but woke up when the Julieta (foster mother) uncovered her face for me to see. I was overwhelmed at how beautiful and calm she is. We walked over to a couch at the back of the lobby and Julieta handed Evi to me. Peggy captured all of this on video and fortunately I was able to pull some good pictures off of the video to freeze that first moment forever.


This was the first moment that I took my daughter into my arms. It was amazing. I just sat in awe of her and kissed her and told her how glad I was to have her. She gave some good smiles and coos. Julieta was very sweet and told me about her formula and how much she takes and how much rice cereal to add to one bottle a day. She told me that she had diahareah (spelling?) but that she had taken her to the doctor 2 days earlier and he said she was fine that it was probably just teething. She told me that Evi weighs 15# 80z. Wow! It sounds big but she really isn't terribly huge in my opinion. I think it is all in her cheeks! She has the cutest chubby cheeks that are just so kissable.

After visiting with Julieta and her daughter Jeaneth for about 15-20 minutes, they left Evi in my care after making arrangements to pick her up on Tuesday morning. It was wonderful to meet Julieta and Jeaneth and see how much they care for my little girl. They told me how much they adore her and how much they will miss her. Jeaneth is very sweet. Her mom said that she takes on a lot of the responsibility of taking care of Evi. They also brought down the baby doll rattle that I sent in one of the care packages. They had sent me some pictures with her and the doll previously and Jeaneth told me how much she loves "talking" to the baby doll. I found this to be true over the course of the next several days. I was so nervous talking to Julieta. I felt like I should have asked tons of questions but I was so overwhelmed at having Evi in my arms that I really coudln't think of much to say. I am glad that we had emailed many times so I had already asked questions about her routines and schedules.

I was so grateful to have my best friend Peggy along with me. She was my videographer, photographer, moral support and gave advise when asked. She was so wonderfully supportive. She really just sat back an observed. She got lots of quilting done on Evi's quilt. As the end of the trip neared, she told me how wonderful it was to be there and told me that she had watched me become an instant mother. It brought tears to my eyes then and it brings tears to my eyes everytime I think about her saying it. It truly was an amazing experience. It was like a switch flipped inside of me. It all felt so natural. I felt so protective and felt the huge responsibility of caring for and raising this beautiful baby girl.

I must say that I am blessed with a very easy going daughter (at least based on my limited experience of 4 days). She rarely cried, was very patient, very relaxed. I can tell that she has all of her needs met by Julieta and Jeaneth. She knows that her needs will be met so she just basically told me what she needed and then waited for me to get it done.

After coming up to the room, I just sat on the couch and looked her over (making sure that she had 10 fingers and 10 toes). She was just perfect. She layed there and cooed and talked to me. Then I gave her her first bottle. She drank it down pretty slowly. She is a slow eater (hard to believe with her weight). She would take frequent breaks to just look around or smile or coo or play with the bottle. Then she would take some more. It was so amazing just sitting there with her in my arms looking into her eyes with her holding onto my finger while she drank her bottle.

After her bottle, she got a diaper change (lots of messy diapers this weekend but for some reason it isn't as bad when it is your own child) and then she went down for a nap. She let me rock her to sleep and really went to sleep pretty easily. The hotel had a very sweet miniature crib. It was white with a blue bumper and a white eyelet coverlet. I had also brought the flannel quilt that I had finished for her (see baby's first quilt post) and had the blanket that the foster family brought with her. I just wrapped her up and she slept contentedly. When she woke up she just cooed to let me know that she was awake and when I came in to get her, she greeted me with a big smile. She melted my heart everytime I would get her out of the crib (even at 4:00 in the morning).

We really just spent our days feeding, holding and playing with Evita. We went down to breakfast every morning to the hotel dining room. They had a wonderful breakfast buffet with lots of fresh fruits, omelettes made to order, tortillas, breads, fresh juices, etc. We didn't go hungry. It was nice that it was included in the cost of our room too! We ate a pretty hearty breakfast and then ate a late lunch and a light dinner. Evy was a hit with all of the waiters in the dining room. I think it helped that I always spoke in Spanish to everyone at the hotel. I think they appreciated that and then they were able to talk to Evi in Spanish without me worrying about what they were saying. Peggy picked up a little Spanish also. She can now say Hola and gracias very well. The hotel staff was really wonderful. They all spoke English so Peggy was able to venture out in the hotel without me when she wanted to. I think her favorite place in the hotel was the gift shop! Of course, I loved it too. It was small but had very nice "typical items" that you could find at the markets. The prices were very reasonable also. We were able to pick up a few items there that we hadn't bought at the market since we didn't have too much time in the market in Antigua.

For lunch and dinner, I would go to one of the nearby restaurants and get carry out. Our favorite was "Tacontento." It was very typical food and good size portions and pretty cheap. I was lucky to actually get out on the street a little. I felt bad that Peggy didn't hardly leave the hotel and get some fresh air so our last full day there, I let her go out and get our lunch at Schlotzky's. I had a take out menu from a previous day so I circled what we wanted (the menu was pretty much in English) and then wrote down how to say "to go." I thought it would be easy for her. I told her that she just needed to show them the menu and point to the bread and chips that she wanted. When she came back to the hotel, I can happily report that she got all the food that she had ordered. However, she looked a little frazzled. I asked her what was wrong. She said, "they didn't speak ANY English." I said, "well, you had the menu and you shouldn't have had to say anything." She said, "well that is all fine and good until they started asking me questions." Anyway, she survived and we had a nice lunch.

The last day full day at the hotel I started to get pretty emotional at the thought of leaving. I knew that we wouldn't have very much time the following day to get packed and ready to go to the airport so we started packing that day. I would start crying at the drop of a pin. I had to go through all of the clothes that I had brought with me and pack them in a bag to leave behind. I left a couple of the toys that I had brought down with her also. I had packed a whole small suitcase (carry-on size) of just stuff for Evi and the foster family. It was really hard to repack that same suitcase with souveigners of our trip. I cried when I changed her diaper; I cried when I sang her to sleep; I cried when I gave her the last night time bottle; I cried when I put her to sleep for the last night. I was an emotional wreck. It just continued the following morning. I was so glad that Peggy was there for the emotional support. So that you didn't have to see me crying on video some of the last video was actually shot by me with Peggy holding Evi on her lap so that I could look at her and have her smile up at me and the camera.

The following morning, Evi let me sleep until 5am! The previous mornings she had woken up at 4:00 and 4:30. She would take about 3 ounces of formula and then go back to sleep until about 8:00. Again, she was so happy and didn't really cry when she woke up just let me know she was hungry. She would then lay on the bed until I fixed the bottle and sucked it back pretty quickly (compared to her daytime bottles) and then go back to sleep.

Anyway, we all got ready. Evi got a bath so that I could return her smelling just as sweet as when she was brought to me. Then we went down to breakfast and came back to our room for a few minutes. The arrangement was that Julieta and Jeaneth would come at 10:00. We went down shortly after 10:00 and they were patiently waiting in the lobby. It was so sweet. They didn't rush me at all and let me have my last minutes with her. It did break my heart a little bit when she saw Julieta and broke out in a huge smile. Not that she hadn't given me plenty of big smiles it was just the recognition and almost relief that she had come back. It made me a little sad but at the same time good to know how much she loves Julieta and that she is so well cared for. I handed Evi back to Julieta and then walked out to the car with her and Jeaneth. Her son was in the car so I got to meet him also. I had brought down an umbrella stroller (per their request) so I put that along with two bags of clothes and supplies in the car and then said my final good byes. It was probably one of the saddest moments in my life to watch them leave with my baby girl not knowing when I would see her again.

I wouldn't have traded this trip for anything in the world. I now have memories and tons of pictures and video of my baby when she is still small. These will be precious memories that I will share with her as she grows up.

I now have a shrine of pictures of Evi on my entertainment center so that I see her all the time when I am home. I have one of the pictures on my computer screen at work and it makes working hard sometimes when everything is minimized.

The waiting is definitely harder now that I have met Evelyn May. I just keep telling myself that these are just a few short months that we are apart and that she will be home soon and that we will have the rest of our lives to spend together.

Te quiero mucho Evita!

PS don't forget to check out our pictures. Click on the link to the right that says "our photos" to go to our photo website. There are several albums of pictures to see and this is where I will put most pictures since it is easier than putting them on blogger.